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Linn County Leader - Brookfield, MO
  • Julie Fay: Charged up about the election

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  • I’ve watched the debates. I’ve studied the issues. I’ve confirmed my polling place and encouraged friends to vote. Although I’ve decided who to support in this presidential election, I consider that support lukewarm at best, and could still be persuaded otherwise if the candidates would weigh in on some key issues of importance to my family and me.
    For example, most campaign rhetoric has focused on the economy. Tax rates, hikes, cuts and loopholes are all on the table, but what I’d really like to see is a substantial tax credit for an essential commodity: Nutella. With a dollar-for-dollar Nutella tax credit, I could likely save enough to install new siding on the house, or maybe add a room or two. Additional credits for Pokémon cards and soccer and music lesson fees would help, as well. The icing on the cake would be a deduction for children’s allowances. If a candidate came up with an allowance allowance, parents everywhere would pledge their support.
    There has been much talk about energy policy, and one candidate in particular has touted a plan for energy independence. That may sound wonderful to many, but I’d like to hear the candidates’ view on my specific energy need: I want technology to take my kids’ energy and transfer it to me. That same technology could lead to larger possibilities, too. Imagine if all the children in this country between ages 2 and 10 were able to offload some of their excess energy to the grid. We could be independent tomorrow.
    While we’re still on domestic policy, let’s talk about education. What I need is some sort of educational program to help me understand how to work the gizmos my children use every day. I have two degrees and 32 more years of life experience than my oldest child, but cannot for the life of me get the TV, cable box and DVD player to work simultaneously. If a technology education program for parents isn’t viable, then maybe a course in parent-speak for every preteen in the country could help. Then at least the experts could talk to us, and we could understand.
    Regarding defense, my needs are simple. Defend me from comments that begin with “What that kid needs....” Defend me from fashion trends that hurt. Defend me from people who badger me about cleaning up after my dog when I’ve got the right intentions and equipment for the job on my person. While we’re at it, defend me from endless posts and tweets telling me who to support in this election.
    Whether or not the presidential candidates will be able to address these concerns, I will still be voting on Tuesday. Too many people around the world don’t have what we have: the chance to choose our leaders, peacefully, on a regular basis. If you’re undecided, I beg you: decide as best you can, and then go vote. And if you see anyone holding signs demanding a Nutella tax credit, why, come on over and say hello. I’ll be delighted to meet you.
    Page 2 of 2 - Read more at www.nutellataxcredit.com. Just kidding – follow on Twitter at @fayjulie.
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